Long Island Funereal Proceedings

My wife's grandmother died this week, so we are out here on Long Island for the wake and funeral this week. Or rather, she is here for that, I am here for moral support. I don't do funerals.

I just wanted to note that even though I am about 400 miles from home, squirrels are still making me insane.

And it's warm here. High 70s. October? Hello?

No, I don't think it's global warming. Global Warming is the boogeyman of the 21st century. He's big, mean, scary, and he doesn't actually f**king exist.

Moron the Breastest Dentist

See what I did there? Yeah...

An unofficial pole of the women at my workplace reveals the following information:

10 out of 10 women at ***** agree, this lady is a dips**t.

Funny posts on the WoW forums

Ladies and gents, I direct your attention to the most annoying kind of person found on forums:
The guy who thinks he is an intellectual, but is really a dumbass.

Yes, the post making fun of his guild name is by me. I can't help it. Having a misspelled guild name is like advertising the fact that you are an idiot.

Deadly Rouges - Makeup with built in ass-kicking!
Protectors of the Flam - We keep the deception going!
Harbringers of the Skull - We bring the skull all the Har it can handle!

Dentist claims breast massaging to treat TMJ

STORY

Question: If your dentist stuck his hand up your shirt and fondled your boobs, why the f**k would you keep going back to him so that he could do it six times?

Possible answers:

• You are a dumb b***h. Seriously.
• You liked it, but he did something to piss you off, so now you are trying to get revenge.
• You planned in advance to sue him after the first time, so you kept going back hoping the more he fondled you, the more money you could get. Which makes you a whore.

Jack Lalanne on turning 93

Fitness guru Jack Lalanne turned 93 on Sept. 26th of this year. He had this to say:

"I'm feeling great, and I have sex almost every day. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday..."